Tuesday, January 24, 2012

being honest in a broken situation

In gearing up for my week long bliss-of-a-vacation in Italy, I have been dealing with a lot of things that have broken me and lead me to a place of complete surrender unto God. In a matter of 8 days, things went from good, to bad, to guilt, to really bad, to scared, to good and then to freedom. And now... I'm amazed by God's grace and love for me. Simply blown away.

For as long as I can remember, well actually for the past 5 years of my life, I have always immediately felt condemned after I did something that I knew I shouldn't have done. The condemnation has always made me feel stuck and totally insecure in myself and in God's calling over my life.

Then last night happened - the part where all the bad went straight into freedom.

I went from a complete and utter mess to telling myself that "I am free..." Free from the dark thoughts that I bottle up daily and free from the insecurities and condemnation that has entrapped me for the last few years.

It's amazing how God - when you completely surrender and present all honesty to him - can take you in the palm of His hands and immerse you in His love for You. He took such a broken and guilty situation and turned it into something beautiful. He never forsook me or left me to clean up my own mess, instead he showered me with his love and wrapped me in his arms.

I spent this morning in worship and in prayer and I sang songs that were love songs to him and I prayed fervently for God to continue to change my heart. I am so thankful for His love for me. His love for me...


3 comments:

  1. Thank you for your honesty in this post, Che'. You strike me as such a happy person; it breaks my heart to know you've been battling an internal struggle for so long, especially when your personality suggests otherwise! Your release to freedom last night is such a beautiful reminder of God's unsurpassing and unconditional love for us. I am so happy to read that you have reached a sense of peace through this.

    Coincidentally, I was going through emails late last night and re-read our exchange of "pasta restaurants" (remember that?). As I was reading, I kept thinking to myself: "This Chelyssa is a wise and beautiful girl. Once of these days I will meet her." You inspire me, friend. I'll bet you didn't know that. You are reaching people without evening knowing it.

    I can't wait to island hop one of these days and meet you in person and give you a big hug. Love you, girl. xoxo

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  2. Thank you Angie! Just so you know, I'm tearing up over here at your honesty! I'm normally a very happy person, but those bottled up feelings are finally being released and although it hurts for me to deal with them, it feels so good! So glad to have God and people like YOU on my side!

    Of course I remember our "pasta restaurants" conversation! I cannot wait to meet you one day! We're going to exchange stories and laugh and have all the fun in the world! PINKY SWEAR!!

    And don't ever forget this: you inspire me as well! You really do, Angie!!

    Big hug, soon? Please?!!

    Love you!

    PS- I have no idea why this isn't letting me "reply" correctly to you :(

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