Sunday, February 19, 2012

there's a war inside of me


I'm usually very quiet when it comes to expressing my true feelings about whatever is going on in my life. I try to share a lot of it here on the blog, because for some reason (all the good reasons) I feel enormously close to all of you. But, even those who are physically close to me never get the real inside scoop of my heart. I've been learning how to share, in small detail, about how happy I can be or how angry and frustrated I am. 

Today, I'm frustrated. I'm negative and I feel like screaming in the face of everyone I come in contact with. I woke up with an eye that looked like it was punched numerous amounts of time by an eyelash, I'm having the worst hair day ever and I finally realized that I am an emotional wreck. I also came to the conclusion that I am beyond my weight limit for a twenty-something and that if I don't do anything about it, I will end up with some form of diabetes within the next 5 years. 

It's crazy how frustration makes us think and "realize" things that only make us more frustrated. Maybe I'm a masochist? I'm all this pain and frustration wrapped up in layers of unhealthiness but I enjoy sulking in the fact it makes me feel like I'm alive. Maybe I just need to be slapped out of my trance and get on with life.

Change sucks and this is the first time - and possibly the last time - you'll ever see me vent on this blog. For those of you who read to this very last sentence, you are troopers. Troopers, I tell ya! 

2 comments:

  1. Oh, sweet friend...I hope you know that you are not alone and that we are all imperfect beings struggling with issues that test our patience, resilience and strength. If there is a silver lining to be found in all of this, it is your self-awareness and desire for change; two things that can be easily missed.

    Emotions and the ability to feel are a gift but can also feel like a curse at times. While I encourage you to allow yourself to actually feel what you feel (whether it be pain, sadness, anger, etc.), know when to channel that emotion into energy and motivation. Change can be hard, but it's also a very good thing.

    Chin up. Love you! xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Angie!! It was just an 'off' day for me and I had no where else to run except to my blog. So happy I got you to encourage me :)

      I may also take my words back and say that 'change is good!', because it really is and I kicked my bratty attitude to the curb! Hahaha.

      Thank you for always encouraging me! Love you!

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