Monday, September 3, 2012

one a.m. ramblings.

I'm sitting here at 1 in the morning. Thinking. Wondering. Over-thinking. Planning... Mostly, I'm just thinking. I'm thinking about everything. The place I'm at in life and how I got here. Part of me is happy and content with "everything" and the other part is unsatisfied.

Unsatisfied. I almost feel stupid saying that. I feel selfish for saying that. I've never really felt this way before. I've always wanted more and always wanted to explore and find and leave parts of myself in different places (near or far). And now, in one of the busiest and happiest times of my life thus far, I can't seem to find satisfaction.

As I write this, I realize that I've completely let myself go. I've let go of the God that I always let anchor my ship, I put him on a shelf and made it a habit to come back to him when I "really needed him". I am a hot mess and I am all over the place.

Well. There it was.

1 comment:

  1. i hate feeling like that and i'm kind of in that boat now. i hope you come out of your rut soon. hang in there.