Sunday, October 21, 2012
heart on my sleeve
it's sunday night and i have a few things on my mind if i can share....
first off, i haven't written - a blog, journal, short story - in a long time. i'm sitting here and my heart is just so heavy, so moved by all the things in my life.
secondly, this month has been particularly challenging for me, it's been busy and a lot of scheduling, phone calls, planning and trusting in God had to be done. well, trusting in God is an occuring thing. well, it should be.
on saturday night our church hosted our annual candy lane event for the kids and it was great. the days leading up to it had gotten me a one-way ticket to the psych ward. not really, but sometimes i think i might need to go. again, not really...i'm just being over dramatic. anyways, all my buttons were being pressed and i was under pressure. a few days before the event, as i was going to sleep, i silently cried out to God and released everything to him.
i felt free...
i felt all that pressure lift.
and in that moment i realized how self-centered i can be. i realized that i put God on a shelf and walked away saying "i got this."
and all together, in the epiphany moment, i realized how blessed i am. i serve a God - a big God - who will never leave me, never un-love me. of all the times i make everything about me, He still loves me.
he still loves me. i had to remember that everything in my life, was given to me by God - and i have to remember that. i have to remember that whatever He gives to me, He'll bless it and He'll provide for it.
He'll always love me.
i will always be loved.
always. even on a sunday night when my heart is heavy and ready to be poured out...